It begins: Opening day with 20,000+ of my paddling tribe in Madison, WI, where Darren Bush takes the iconic annual selfie that opens Canoecopia 2025.
My little 10-foot, blue, plastic kayak was out in the yard waiting when the man arrived to pick me up. This was our first meeting. He was a kayak training instructor whose class I’d signed up for, but I didn’t know yet how to carry a kayak on a car, so he’d agreed to pick up my kayak and me and drive us to the class at a small lake a short distance away.
When he tossed that kayak up onto his SUV and had it tied down in no time flat, I was truly amazed because in the three years I’d owned the kayak, I’d not been able to figure out transporting it on my car; I’d only ever paddled it in my little 15-acre lake behind my house.
The class with seven other people was full of trying things out on the water, paddling forward, stopping, how to get in and out of it, and what to do if you flipped your kayak. We laughed heartily with one another at our lack of abilities as we tried one new thing after another.
I was hooked.
My first kayak
I loved the feeling of smoothly gliding along the water one moment, then surging ahead with a burst of energy the next—it was a perfect balance of flow and speed, a dance with the rhythm of the water.
I got the sense that these adventurous, fun-loving people who cherished water as much as I did might just be my people. As it turned out, they are indeed my people and the love of the people and the love of the sport are so intertwined, it’s difficult to untangle one from the other.
As I write this, I’m traveling along the Dan Ryan Expressway past Chicago on my way to Madison, Wisconsin, for the annual paddlesport expo, Canoecopia, to spend time with my tribe.
I’m speaking on community and connection, specifically, how to find people to kayak with.
Advice on finding groups of people to engage with applies whether you are looking to find others to kayak with or knit with, so let’s explore that here.
In preparation for my session, I started making lists of practical tips to share like where to find activity-based groups such as searching for websites, MeetUp Groups, and Facebook event groups. But, I kept going back to that first day on the water.
--How grateful I felt that someone was willing to transport my kayak when I didn’t have a clue how to do so.
--How amazed I felt watching someone toss my kayak on their vehicle like it was a child’s toy, and having it tied down safely in minutes.
How much joy I shared with other new kayakers who didn’t quite know how to keep from running into the bank yet, laughing at ourselves, at each other—all in shared community.
That training day was well over 10 years ago, yet I can still viscerally experience those feelings.
I’ve learned much about the kayaking world since then, finding my place specifically in the Greenland kayaking community.
I’ve gained skills and had magical experiences like kayak camping on an uninhabited island in the Gulf of the Everglades National Park during a full moon, with my paddling partner and I being the only two people camping out on any of the islands that night. It was magical.
I’ve battled winds in the Aegean Sea off the coast of Milos, Greece.
I’ve watched at sunset as white egrets and ibis with their Toucan-Sam-like orange beaks come to roost in the mangroves of the Everglades as evening sets.
I’ve also had experiences of exclusion, gaslighting, and feeling terribly alone while in the midst of a group of other paddlers.
As I’ve reflected on how it’s both the connection with water and people that kayaking gives me, my thoughts have turned to our current times of social uncertainty within our country. Finding and being with one’s tribe now is more valuable than ever. And, what matters most isn’t necessarily finding the best group with the most expertly skilled members with the best equipment, it’s how they make you feel. Do you feel supported and cared for?
Maya Angelou’s famous quote says, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I could give you all kinds of practical advice on how as a social seahorse you can find just the right group through online research and in-person exploration that will increase your personal social value as well as that of your communities; maybe we’ll do that someday.
As I walk through the Allegiant Energy Center in Madison, the convention hallways and vendor spaces filling with people, a current of shared enthusiasm and belonging ripples through the atmosphere.
This event has been put on by Rutabaga Paddlesports for over 50 years now; with that, attendees have a shared history of connection.
As I move through the increasing crowds, people are embracing others they have known for decades while first-year attendees usually come together in little groups wondering at all there is to see and learn, pouring over session schedules trying to decide how to make their choices.
This is how you know you’re with your community. You feel it.
Watching people interact, I reflect on some of the feelings I’ve experienced with the kayaking community through the years:
- Gratitude for being taught by that first training instructor how to carry my kayak myself
- Appreciation for the established clubs with their decades of experience
- Welcomed by strangers into a Florida invite-only club of whom some became like family members to me
- Pride learning self-rescues and rolling with further classes and training
- Confidence paddling in Greece wind
- Love for paddling buddies and partners
- Motivation to paddle fast and far for dolphin interactions
The most meaningful feeling by far was the one of belonging I felt during my first big trip.
I had joined 10 others on a trip to the Everglades area of the Gulf where the trip leader didn’t judge one for having started out with a 10-foot, recreational kayak. He accommodated everyone’s skills and abilities, paid attention to needs, and ensured everyone was safe, creating an environment where everyone supported one another. I’m forever grateful to have had such a great start to the world of kayaking.
So, look for your people, whether they be kayakers, knitters, or board game enthusiasts.
Consider practical things like training and learning opportunities and expertise of members.
Prioritize finding a community who shares your values, where the atmosphere wraps you in the deep joy of connection. Seek out communities who make you feel welcome, finding people you love. Discover ones that help you gain confidence and motivate you to grow. Look for a place where gratitude and appreciation are mutually shared among one another.
Whether the world around you is blossoming or collapsing, going through it with people who give you a place of belonging makes all the difference.
May you find communities who make you eager to drive all day to gather with them, share their enthusiasm and experiences, and embrace their culture. Now, please excuse me while I find the perfect next kayak.
Golden Connection Challenge:
Identify one action you will take this week to locate a community of belonging for yourself. If you already have such a community, identify one action you can take to demonstrate to another member that they are appreciated and belong.
Share this blog with others to increase social value in the new year.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.
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