Interacting with neighbors increases the social value of our neighborhoods.
“Don’t let the boys play in the woods!” a community member sternly warned me. “The landowner is a mean, old man who will yell at them. The previous resident was mushroom hunting, and he stormed over and cussed them out!”
“Hmmm,” I thought. “Sounds like a person who doesn’t want people trespassing on his land.”
I took my three sons, 5 and under, into the house and started making cookies.
We’d just moved in, but I had learned at my previous home that it wasn’t a given my neighbors were going to welcome me to the community with cookies.
This was back in the days of personal Welcome Wagon visits, when the chamber of commerce in small towns put together welcome baskets to give to new people in the community. It let you know about the services, community groups, and area businesses (free pizza coupons, discount on a haircut, etc.). (If you don’t know about that cool period of American history, look into it.)
I think when towns started partnering with the Welcome Wagon business, which was part good intentions and part business strategy, individuals lost some of their motivation to take on the welcoming themselves. I could be wrong, but the initiative did coincide with a decline in personal neighbor-to-neighbor greetings with gifts.
When I’d moved into my previous home in a tightly packed neighborhood, I waited eagerly for the neighbors to bring me the quintessential plate of cookies. It never happened. I was so disappointed.
So, I vowed, I’d do it myself next time. It might not be “the thing to do” as the newcomer, but I decided I’d introduce myself to my neighbors with those plates of cookies if they weren’t going to.
This time, we were out in the country with only a few neighbors spaced far out, so I loaded up the kids into the car seats and took the small trip out of my driveway, past the little strip of woods, and into his long driveway.
An elderly man comes to the door, puzzled to see me and three little boys holding cookies. We introduce ourselves, give him the cookies, and chat on the doorstep for a few minutes. I can see a hospital bed set up in the living room. His wife has recently passed away.
He enthusiastically accepts the cookies and invites us to visit anytime. He’s as pleasant a person as you could imagine. Before we leave, he offers, “Now, I don’t want anyone getting hurt, but those boys are welcome to play in the woods any time as long as you’re watching out for them.”
The interaction was more than I’d hoped for! The boys were young enough that those few feet of woods felt like an entire enchanted world to them – they had the best time playing in the woods during the short while we lived there and made a new neighbor friend.
I got to thinking about these experiences because I recently came across a reel in which a young woman is overcome with joy when a 98-year-old neighbor comes to her door with a Bundt cake to welcome her to the neighborhood. She later returns the favor with a lemon pie, and his response is the best! “You didn’t have to do that, but I’m just delighted you did!” It’s a beautiful moment of connection that is likely to last many years.
What prompted me to start thinking about my own past with neighborly welcomes were the comments.
Some were what you’d expect - lovely reactions to a lovely experience. Others were backhandedly bashing the younger generations saying things like “That generation of goodness is almost gone,” “Complain about the ‘boomers’ all you want, but that’s how they did things,” and “This is absolutely tragic to me. Soon, the last spark of the older, slower, sweeter and kinder times will be gone. No one is friendly anymore. No one displays kind gestures. Sigh.”
Yet, this post itself is the evidence that this is far from the truth. That “spark” is right here before your very eyes in both the elderly man and the young woman!And, further, we all have the power to do the same. In my very suburban neighborhood, I see neighbors welcoming newcomers all the time. It might not be with the traditional plate of cookies, but people still take the time to connect.
Could it happen more? Yes. And we Social Seahorses can model that. I write a lot about big initiatives here, but creating community and connection is as simple as walking across the yard to your neighbors and introducing yourself.
When my boys were teens and owned electric guitars and a drum set, I emphasized that the card with my name and phone number on it, which accompanied the cookies, was an open invitation for them to call if our noise levels were ever a concern.
We are entering Halloween season now, and with grown kids, I don’t have a lot of interaction with the neighborhood children. One thing I do though is I give out some kind of little toys (a ring, light-stick bracelets, etc.). I’m in a huge neighborhood where they get a ton of candy, so this is a little unusual, and they appreciate something different.
For the family across the street with four daughters, I buy something a little better and hold those back for them when they come to trick-or-treat. I’ve also asked what the favorite candy is for the children of another family and got them bags of those just for them.
What are some ways you can connect with your neighbors this week? It doesn’t have to be with baking; it could simply be giving them a 3x5 card with your name, address, and phone number on it, encouraging them to reach out to you if they ever need anything. Let’s model building more social value!
Golden Connection Challenge:
Connect with your neighbors this week - it can be someone next door or anywhere in your town, village, or city with whom you can interact more than once.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.