“I now purposefully try to half-ass certain things in my life,” I heard Vera say in a recent YouTube post, “5 Simple (and Kinda Weird) Dutch Habits to Simplify Your Life By.”
That got me to thinking about community and connection during the holidays. We can put so much pressure on ourselves to create perfect experiences, we forget the season is about being connected to others.
In my own family some of our Christmas traditions include making hand-crafted chocolates, walking the Christmas-lit grounds of Newfields’ Art Museum, making gingerbread villages, and cutting down a live tree to decorate. All of these activities are added to an already full life, and adding them in can create stress.
Enter Vera and her Simple Happy Zen YouTube Channel. She introduced me to the Dutch Sixes Culture. This revolves around the idea that Dutch schoolchildren strive not to put more effort than necessary into their exams. Instead of striving for perfection, they strive for 6 out of 10.
If they do better than that, adults may express concern that the student put too much time and effort into studying—time they could have spent doing other valuable things.
While education is highly valued in Dutch culture, happiness and overall well-being is of greater importance.
Newfields' Art Museum outdoor Winterlights Celebration
Vera explains: “But I think what we can take away from this is that sometimes in life, our priority doesn't always have to be our output, our status, our performance. But, it can also be our happiness, and our health and our well-being.”
Many years our family gathers at the kitchen table to each make a gingerbread house and then assemble an entire village with them.
Vera is unusual in that she is more of an overachiever who strove for 10s in school, so she can relate to how odd this might sound to us in the United States.
“I talked about this on my channel before, about how I now purposefully try to half-ass certain things in my life. And, that is very refreshing to me as someone who usually has quite high standards and high demands and who is used to pushing myself a lot. So, with things that I find very important, I still want to give it my absolute all. But with other things, I'm practicing just being okay and average - and having that be enough,” says Vera.
The mental health of many of us and those in our communities is challenged by the cultural demands we place on creating the perfect holiday.
Maybe it’s time to “half-ass” some of it.
We can back off on some of the output of energy and think about the happiness and well-being of ourselves, those we love, and our communities.
Perhaps instead of putting up three decorated trees and covering your house in lights and garland, you choose one area to focus on and curate just the most special items to display. Give yourself time to sit down and watch a Christmas movie in front of the fire without being too exhausted to finish it. Next year choose different items and communicate why you choose the ones you did.
One of my favorite trees ever was when I was living out of state alone with minimal belongings. I had picked up a small fake birch tree with lights earlier in the year. When Christmas came, I bought three ornaments and put them on that 3-foot tree. It gave significance to each ornament, and all three still have a special place in my heart.
Instead of making the house spotless for guests, consider what is good enough so you have energy left over to fully engage with those present.
Instead of toiling away late into the night making homemade cookies for the entire neighborhood, maybe buy a few special cookies from your local bakery and spend the evening with a lonely neighbor.
Consider how you might cultivate a Dutch Sixes Culture this season. Be well!
Newfields' Art Museum outdoor Winterlights Celebration
Golden Connection Challenge:
Apply a Dutch Sixes mindset to one of your holiday plans or projects.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.