Mollie Kaye embraced weekly casual interactions with strangers for a year. Photo Credit: Screenshot of YouTube post.
All decked out in a polka dot dress, pillbox hat, and white gloves for a vintage fair, Mollie Kaye is surprised by the number of positive interactions she has with strangers just walking along the street. By the end of the day, she has declared she will dress head to toe in a ‘50s outfit once a week for a year.
Mollie’s TEDx talk, which she conducts while dressed a lot like Jackie Kennedy in an emerald-green outfit complete with white gloves, carefully coifed hair, heels, and matching, perched hat upon her head, touches on research about the social value of casual interactions with strangers.
I’m excited to share that research with you as well as a plethora of ideas for Golden Connections related to that research.
First though, let’s take a look some of the insights Mollie shares in her talk about how she’s connected with others through her once-a-week clothing choices.
“Blending isn’t the same as belonging,” she notes observing how she, and so many of us, dress like “everyone else,” trying to blend in, all while being in the midst of a loneliness crisis. She quickly noticed that when she dressed dramatically differently, she was connecting with complete strangers who told her they loved her outfit and that she’d made their day.
She learned that these “little interactions with strangers can actually help us live longer, healthier lives.” She found that she began feeling a sense of belonging in her community and that she gives compliments more generously and receives them more graciously.
We’ve touched on the value of casual interactions like this in the Are Brief Connections Worth our Time post and the Two Ways To Be a Silly Connector post recently.
Mollie consulted research psychologist, Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, who shared her perspective as someone who has done research on brief interactions with strangers. She said, "It makes sense that your special clothing would help to stimulate conversations. It makes people pay attention. And you can't have a conversation unless you first make eye contact. It gives people something to say to start the conversation. And my research suggests that people really feel like they need permission."
Dr. Sandstrom went on to suggest adding some flair to one’s “Hello Zone” – The area above the waist. A fun hat, bold neckware, or an unusual backpack are all ways of giving people permission to comment and engage you.
I’ve experienced this phenomenon myself and was intrigued to know more. I have some eye-catching necklaces made out of dyed and carved Tagua seed pods; whenever I wear one, strangers strike up a conversation about it.
Dr. Sandstrom’s research displays those delightful elements of silliness we talked about in blog Two Ways To Be a Silly Connector. She had research subjects choose from a long list of fun interaction options. The overall mission was to have at least one interaction with a stranger per day for a week.
“Find someone wearing a stand-out print (e.g., stripes, animal-print) and [talk to and observe] them for a few minutes.”
“Find someone who is trying to carry loads of things or something awkward and talk to them for a few minutes.”
“Find someone who has funky nails (e.g., unusual shade, fancy design) and [talk to and observe] them for a few minutes.”
“Find someone who's from a different generation than you and [talk to and observe] them for a few minutes.”
Mollie reflects in her talk about how healing it is to be seen and beheld and “When we are seen, we feel we belong.” She makes the poignant observation that “We are terrified to be noticed, but we are dying to be seen.”
I couldn’t agree with Mollie more that “Each warm connection with a stranger makes us all stronger.” This is one small way we can increase the social value for ourselves and our communities.
Let’s try out some of the missions from the scavenger hunt this week.
“Each warm connection with a stranger makes us all stronger.”
Golden Connection Challenge:
I encourage you to download the list of 29 mission choices for the scavenger hunt. I challenge you to do at least three over the next week. You can either search for someone with the mission criteria as per the study or you can use it for inspiration to do up your nails in a striking manner, wear a bold animal print, or add some other fun element to your “Hello Zone.” When people engage you about it, notice how that makes you, and them, feel.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.
Citations:
I highly recommend you listen to Mollie’s TEDx talk as well - every word is an inspiration for community and connection: Is the cure for loneliness hiding in your closet? | Mollie Kaye | TEDxSurrey
You can check out Dr. Sandstrom’s website as well.