Boxes of chocolates. A dozen roses. Hearts. Cupids. Romantic dinners. These are the thoughts of many—certainly retail marketers - in February as we approach Valentine’s Day.
I’d like us to think about love in a broader sense this February. I’m calling it the Love in Action Series.
Instead of limiting the month to romantic love, what if we expanded the focus to include showing love to our friends, family, neighbors, and community?
First: Penguins. Penguins have a courting ritual in which the male searches for the smoothest pebble and places it in his mate’s nest. He adds many more small, smooth pebbles until the nest is full of them. Even though penguin pebbling is a mating ritual, a trend has developed where humans emulate it as a way to connect with others.
For humans, pebbling is the art of giving small, seemingly meaningless items or gifts as a way of showing love to people they want to stay connected with. Most often, human pebbling is done digitally.
I saw a post by Adam Grant this year that explains the impact pebbling can have for humans:
Sending memes, links, and videos to others isn’t trivial. It signals that you’re thinking of them and want them to share your joy.
It’s known as pebbling, based on penguins gifting pebbles to potential partners.
Pebbling is an act of care. Every pebble is a bid for connection.
Small children do this often. They bring us a leaf or rock they found while playing, wanting to share a moment with us. The gifts are symbols of the wonder children feel. By giving these items, they build bonds with us through sharing a piece of their world with representations of their feelings and experiences.
One of the great benefits of the digital age is the ability to quickly and easily share little bits that bring us joy—like a reel of a kitten sneezing, a meme about sisters, or a video of penguins lining their mates’ nests with shiny black pebbles.
How to Pebble
Digital pebbling is simple. It’s sending a link or image that created an emotion in you that you want to share with someone else.
Memes with a dark sense of humor, posts about linguistics, reels of cute animals, and poignant political points are some of the things I share with friends and family. If it has some kind of shared experience message, that’s even better. For example, for anyone who has been a server, I share some of Drew Talbert’s Bistro Huddy reels about restaurant server life.
Most of the time, I’m sharing being amused. Sometimes, though, it’s a way of saying, “I know you experienced this too, and I validate that.” Maybe it’s a server getting yelled at unjustly by a guest or someone with ADHD being repeatedly misunderstood.
Sharing tiny little fragments of emotion over time builds on our sense of connection with the other person. The idea is to keep it small and seemingly insignificant like a pebble. Piled together, though, they create an expression of commitment to the relationship.
Who to Pebble
We tend to pebble with friends and family. It works especially well for anything related to an inside joke.
One of the best uses is bridging generational gaps. Face-to-face communication can become challenging both for parents and teens during the teenage years. Pebbling creates bridges that say, “I’m thinking about you, and I love you.” It strengthens family bonds.
In workplace and community group settings, younger members sharing trending videos with older members creates bonds around contemporary culture, sparking conversations. Those conversations in turn strengthen those bonds.
Pebbling is a versatile tool for expressing the desire to be part of a community.
Why Pebbling Works
While it might seem you are just sharing a cute photo or memorable meme, what is really happening is the sharing of emotion. Something just made you smile; you want your friend to know this made you feel good and it will probably make them feel good as well.
Other emotions are shared through pebbling as well. During a difficult workplace situation where it seemed like the organization wouldn’t make it, my boss showed me one of the very first ever viral videos, I Will Survive – Alien Song. I’ll never forget being truly surprised by the ending together in our office and laughing and laughing—not so much because it was funny, but as a release from all the hopelessness that the situation had us feeling. Over 20 years later, I’ll bring that video up whenever a situation calls for it.
Knowing someone is thinking of us and having them share and acknowledge our emotions creates little micro-moments of connection. When those experiences are repeated regularly, we bond to the other person.
This month, let’s not just focus on romantic relationships, but on all of our relationships. Let’s flood one another with micro-moments of connection that foster a sense of safety and security for those around us—a place of belonging.
Golden Connection Challenge:
Engage in some intentional pebbling this month to make stronger connections with friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers.
Share this blog with others to increase social value in the new year.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.
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