As I’m writing this, big, fluffy snowflakes are falling outside my window, and Christmas music is playing from my phone, putting me in a holiday mood.
This week, I had the pleasure of being introduced to some creative and delightful new Christmas music, which made me think of the Social Seahorse Community. Songs on the playlist range from an annual holiday letter by a family banished to a space asteroid, to a letter written to Mrs. Claus (because no one ever sends her letters), to a touching song about a “travelin’ man” who gathers the courage to ask a “girl with no name” to dance on Christmas Eve.
Sharing music is a meaningful way to connect emotionally with others.
And, if you are like me and drive an older car without a Bluetooth connection option, you get pretty tired of the same standard 10 songs Christmas radio stations seem to be relegated to this time of year
So, I’m sharing the Mix Tape Journey-curated “Snowflakes and Surprises” Playlist with you as my Christmas gift. You can explore the full DJ Ponyboy narrated playlist that adds interesting information to each song as well.
Research consistently shows that music is a powerful tool for fostering social connection, with evidence spanning psychology, neuroscience, and sociology. So, let’s explore how music connects us and how to share it effectively with others.
How music connects us
Shared Experiences
Studies suggest that listening to music with others can create a sense of unity and shared emotional experience, even among strangers. Whether it’s hiking together, sharing the road with strangers on a long trip, or attending an activity-based convention, shared experiences bring humans together and create social value. And, music has the added impact of emotional connection.
Empathetic Responses
Listening to music engages mirror neurons in the brain, which are associated with empathy and understanding others' emotions. So not only are you having a shared experience, sharing music activates emotional responses that create memories and bonds.
Rituals and Gatherings
From weddings to Christmas and holiday family gatherings, music is central to rituals that bring people together and reinforces a sense of belonging. The holiday season is an ideal time to bond over music.
When my children were young, we’d spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws, then strap them into their car seats for the hour-long drive to their other grandparents’ house. During the drive, which often involved traveling through lake-effect snow, we’d try to find every silly Christmas song on the radio from “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” to “Rusty Chevrolet.” I still consider those songs a classic part of my Christmas rituals.
Healing Connections
Music often evokes strong emotions, and sharing these emotional experiences can deepen interpersonal relationships. Let’s face it, family gatherings can have some relational challenges. In fact, joint music-making has been used in conflict zones to foster reconciliation and empathy between communities.
I hope your family gatherings don’t qualify as a conflict zone, but when it’s time to change a controversial subject, you might want to play “Chiron Beta Prime” and appreciate that at least you aren’t all banished to a space asteroid together.
How to share music
Let’s explore approaches for sharing music effectively.
Don’t hover
Give the person(s) who is/are listening space to absorb both the music and its meaning.
Have you ever felt the pressure of someone watching you as you listen for the first time to a song they want you to like? You are trying to understand the words, feel the vibe of the music, and think about how your reactions might make them feel. It’s a lot to ask for a first listen.
Instead, share the link and let them listen on their own timeline. You can circle back later and ask for their thoughts on it after they’ve had a chance to really listen to it a few times.
For a holiday gathering, ask if you can play the song(s) you’d like to share with everyone, then put it on and go about the activities without pressuring anyone to immediately respond.
Say why you are sharing
Especially if you are sharing one-on-one, tell the person specifically what it is about the song that makes you want to share it with them. If you just say, “It made me think of you,” they might think a line in the song that has a negative connotation is being associated with them when you were thinking of something entirely different.
One year my mom suggested we sing Christmas songs together, and my three young sons (just having come from one of those long drives between grandparents’ homes) burst out with “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
She was not amused; I think she thought they wanted her to get run over by a reindeer.
So, in the words of Brené Brown, “Clear is kind.” Be clear why you are sharing music with someone.
Connection
Use the music sharing as an opportunity to connect, even if it’s just to have a laugh about a silly song and consider, “Yeah, why doesn’t anyone ever write letters to Mrs. Claus?”
Given the divisive atmosphere in the country this year, you might encourage everyone to “Find the Love.” (This Jennifer Hudson Christmas song is available on the Snowflakes and Surprises Playlist provided here in the blog.)
And, don’t forget, if the holiday pressures are getting to you, you can always try “half-assing the holidays.”
Golden Connection Challenge:
Share at least one piece of holiday music with someone this season.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with a comment here or email me using the contact form.
"So, in the words of Brené Brown, “Clear is kind.” Be clear why you are sharing music with someone." – nice, great piece of advice, Lisa!
I can’t wait to hear more about your reckless experiment on your Substack craftysavvyauthor.substack.com!